


Fluorescent Hope

by eddymango



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It, One Shot, Post-Episode: Revolution of the Daleks, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, The hug they deserved, We were robbed of this convo, Yasmin Khan Needs a Hug, Yaz must have spent a lot of money on post-it-notes, light fluff, not beta read we die like men, thasmin, they need to talk, they really need to talk, this is a mess im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28955079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eddymango/pseuds/eddymango
Summary: 'The Doctor had to have seen all the post-its, ideas and dead ends exploded all over the walls; they were so unmissable, grasping and reaching for any loose ends that could have given Yaz a whisper of a plan.'
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	Fluorescent Hope

Yaz was so tired of being angry.

She was exhausted. Of course she was relived the Doctor was back, but it felt so different than she'd imagined, dreamt about, desperately longed for, all those nights on the spare TARDIS floor listening to her own shallow breaths and wondering if she'd finally lost it. It felt like something hadn't quite clicked, that all her emotions were pieces of an incompatible puzzle. She hated it. 

She should have been overjoyed, and welcomed the Doctor back with compassion. Instead she'd shoved her, with white-hot rage shooting through her veins, instantly accompanied by overwhelming, overflowing regret as she saw the joy behind her friend's eyes turn to confusion and hurt. It kept replaying over and over, each time sending a staggering wave of guilt pushing and washing over her. 

But she couldn't, no, _shouldn't_ let those feelings affect her. Yaz knew that, as she pushed down the hurt, bit back the rage, calmed the storm. She had to be there for the Doctor. The Doctor, who was still stood beside her, spacing out and muttering on about how she could go back, yearning for more time with the boys, who's walking out quite obviously took a heavy toll on her. No, Yaz had to be there for her, no matter how hopelessly she wanted to let all the thoughts and worries from those 10 excruciating months spill over and out. 

A small part of her, deep down, had already realised. She didn't feel she could admit it, but she knew.

The Doctor had to have seen all the post-its, ideas and dead ends exploded all over the walls; they were so unmissable, grasping and reaching for any loose ends that could have given Yaz a whisper of a plan. She knew, maybe not to the full extent, but she knew how desperately Yaz had searched for her, and clung to those small squares of fluorescent hope. The spare TARDIS may be gone, but those notes, patterns with their neon colours still seared bright behind her eyelids every time she tried to rest. 

But she wasn't going to say anything. Neither was the Doctor, just murmuring about changing the past. Why couldn't the Doctor realise, properly take it in, that Yaz was still here and still cared about her? Didn't that mean anything to her? Didn't she matter? Didn't..

"I saw the post-it notes, you know."

Violently snapping back to the present, and pulled out of the spiralling vortex of infinite questions she felt she couldn't ask, Yaz turned to face the Doctor, swallowing weakly.

The Doctor continued. "I'm so sorry Yaz, really. I thought I could come back just after I left, and we could continue like normal. I didn't realise it had been 10 months, and how desperate you were to find me." She broke her gaze away from the TARDIS doors, shut behind two of the people she'd missed the most. "Thank you for not giving up hope, it means a lot to me." She shot Yaz a feeble half-smile. "I guess all those years in prison really stripped my social skills down, hey?".

Yaz didn't hear the joke. She couldn't acknowledge the Doctor's attempt to lighten the mood, when, she'd said.. all those.. years? How long had the Doctor been in prison? She'd briefly mentioned it when she returned but.. Yaz had been too bad-tempered to realise. How could she be so selfish?

"Doctor I didn't.." A hoarse whisper, barely able to convey the sudden realisation and wash of self-obsession that she felt. She couldn't break down now. The Doctor needed her to be strong, didn't she? The Doctor needed her.

"It's okay, really Yaz I mean, it were nothing really, a couple of decades at best-"

And she needed the Doctor.

Yaz darted forwards and wrapped her arms around the blonde, catching her so off guard that she stopped mid-ramble. She was tense, withdrawn, and Yaz was beginning to wonder whether she has severely misread the situation when the Doctor softly collapsed further into her arms, hugging Yaz back. It felt as though she was finally relaxing after all those imprisoned years she mentioned, and Yaz wanted to console her, tell her that it was alright now.

And the Doctor wanted to console Yaz, tell her that she didn't realise how much Yaz's life revolved around travelling with her; that she was going to make every one of the rest of their moments together count. That, eventually, through breaking down walls and coaxing out real emotions, they were going to be happy again. Together. 

So many unspoken words presented themselves, thoughts flooded the room, regrets and worries taunting possible outcomes and things they should have done, but they clung to each other. This was real. Genuine; not a hopeful hallucination or a cruel dream, like the many they'd experienced on all of those isolated nights. Actual, and true.

And for this small period of peace and stillness, that was enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I've been wanting to write a Post-Revolution one shot ever since it came out, and I really hope you all enjoy it! If you have any questions, ideas or requests for me please don't feel afraid to drop me an ask on tumblr @eddymango! <3


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